Last night, I hit cold hard rock bottom. Each waking hour since Wednesday had been slowly beating on me. Like a boxer that’s hung in there till the 12th round taking hit after hit, mouth dripping blood, eyes bruised closed that finally hit the floor. I had crashed down. No will left to move from my couch beside to venture into the kitchen to binge on anything left in my cabinets.
Feeling sick to my stomach, bloated like a balloon about to pop, I exploded. I was prepared and can deal with the physical pain. But I was not ready for the mental and emotional distress. Evident by the mental breakdown that arrised.
Thinking about how it takes me 2-3 times longer to do the simplest tasks unable to get all the work I need to get done. I feel like a failure, not just to myself, but my company that is counting on me. After hours of pushing through just to get done what’s needed, I still have to face life. Cook, clean, get dressed, fold laundry, do dishes all while struggling to get it done in twice the time and half the quality.
Finding the eye of the storm
The physical pain is nothing on the inefficiency and mental drain that come with the struggle. It’s not only difficult to deal with these inefficiencies but to find a spark of light to write about today. But there’s always a silver lining even in what may seem like the deepest holes.
“When you’re at the bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up.”
This may seem pessimistic compared to a generally positive outlook on life. But like we discussed yesterday sometimes you have to take the small steps and take the small wins. This is one of them.
Floating your way up
If you physically, mentally, or emotionally are as low as you can go, that can only mean one thing. It can’t get worse. Yes if you do nothing and stay in your same remorseful and sorry for yourself course, it can stay the same. And you’ll sit at the bottom of your well as you drown in tears. Or you can take those tears and float your way to the fucking top.
Your mindset switch
By just a simple mindset change of push through and finding your way to recovery, you can go from drowning to floating on top. Keep your end goal and mission in mind and change your mindset of “how can get this get worse?” to “how can I take this situation and make it better?”.
With that simple switch, you can harness the power of being at the bottom and on your way up.
* I do want to discuss my rant at the beginning and say yes I understand that there is a lot worse in this world. Some of you are going through much greater trials than my temporary or seeming small ones. So although to some this issue may seem small, but to lose every activity that I love and productivity to me is a huge deal. Fitness and being efficient is how I define myself and deal with stress. So for these short 3-6 months, I’ve lost a large part of my identity and ability to do what I love.
* These posts are not to shed light on my struggle or to get you to empathize with me. But for others going through struggles big and small that need help making it through. To know that you’re not alone in this world and people are facing challenges everyday right alongside you.